Life

Life seems to be moving at a pace which I can not keep up with lately. I find myself telling people that Jax is 3 months old when he is really 4.5 months, or that Colt just turned 2 (yea 4 months ago!!). I often find myself thinking about the future and saying things like: "I can't wait until June when I can stay home with my kids full time for a couple years" or "I am dreading having to go back to work and just don't know how I am going to do it, I am already exhausted all the time and I don't even have to work yet" or "In a couple years when the kids are maybe 2 and 4 I would like to have another baby and then maybe another."

Anyway, the point is that most of us tend to live too much in the future instead of being thankful for what we have today. Yes, I am excited that  most likely after this school year I will not be teaching anymore but instead going to get the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mommy with my kids, but the reality is that right now I do have to go back to my teaching job next month. The reality is that I still have another FULL MONTH at home with my kiddos. Why can't I just live in the moment and be excited about another full month of staying home rather than already getting anxious about having to go back to work and worrying about how I am going to handle the logisitics of it all? Or why am I already thinking about having another baby when I have a 4 month old 4.5 month old that I am still nursing and is completely dependent on his mommy being around?

The problem with my life is that I am a planner, in a lot of ways I am sure this is a good thing but for me it tends to work against me on occasion. For example, I make a list for everything: shopping list, to do list, weekly meal list, vacation items list, etc. I honestly get joy in crossing things off my list as I accomplish them, so if my to-do list seems too short then I find things to put on there even if they don't necessarily need to be done. Silly, I know. However, it makes me feel organized and productive about my day. The problem many stay at home mom's run into is that they feel that its not enough just to be a stay at home mom. They feel like they need to be volunteering for various things, putting there kids in lots of activities, keeping the home clean and putting dinner on the table all the while making sure the kids are happy and healthy. After being on maternity leave for the last 5 months I can assure you this is true because I felt the need to do all those things too, only I am trying not to. Since this is only my job for a short 5 months I have tried to just be a mom, I play with my kids, take them to the park, take them to playdates

unfinished and found August 26, 2014