Thursday, September 24, 2009

Letter to Jax

September 24, 2009

Dear Jax,

As I type this you are asleep on my chest, snuggled into my neck and breathing just lightly enough so I can hear you. My sweet second son you have been such a blessing to our lives in the last 3 months. I did not know how I could love anyone like I love your brother and I worried when I was pregnant with you if my love for you would be less. The minute you were born and I heard you cry my heart just got bigger and my love for you equals that of which I have for your brother. When the doctor said "its a boy" I was thrilled, I secretly wanted another boy because I wanted you and Colt to always have each other and to get to grow up playing together, wrestling together and going on lots of fishing and hunting trips with Daddy. At the same time it is bittersweet for me as I know that when you do finally grow up I will someday have to allow you to leave me and begin your own family. I know this moment is a long way off but it feels like each day with you is not long enough, each time I feed you it's too short, each smile you give me leaves me aching for me, when I snuggle with you I want it to last forever. You are growing so fast Jax and I just want each and every moment with you to be one that I never forget. I pray for you daily, most of the time more than once. I pray you grow up knowing Jesus and that you use your talents in someway to reflect him in your life. I pray that your dad and I can give you the love and guidance you need to someday go out on your own and begin your own life with your own family. I pray for your health, for your growth both physically and spiritually and I pray for God's plan for you and that you will choose to follow it.

Becoming a mother for the first time when your brother was born changed me in so many ways, I became more loving, more caring and much more reliant on God. When you were born I was changed again, just in a different way. Having you has made me slow down, I have spent much more time just enjoying being with you, holding you, making you smile, talking to you. I care less about what the house looks like, what I look like, I am more patient and I pray even more.

 Found this on August 26, 2014 unfinished.

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