It's Saturday night and I am sitting in bed by myself watching The Notebook on television (this movie always makes me cry but I still love watching it). Jax is sleeping, Colt is staying with my mom (we went over there this afternoon and when I told him it was time to go he said he wanted to stay the night, of course my mom was thrilled!!) and Dave is not going to be home until tomorrow from his South Dakota hunting trip. I made it through my first week back at work in 5 months and it did not go too bad. Both kids are very happy at Heather's house during the day and it works out nicely for me to go during my lunch break to feed Jax and see Colt. That really helps me not miss them as much either because instead of having to go all day 8+ hours I end up seeing them after only 4 hours then go back to work and come back about 4 hours later to take them home. I still miss them all day but it helps ease some of the pain. I don't like being away from my kids, even tonight when Colt wanted to stay with my mom and I just brought Jax home it made me sad. The house was so quiet, there was no storytime, no cuddling on my bed, no nighttime prayers. It feels like something is missing and I am already looking forward to seeing him tomorrow morning. I remember feeling the same way after Jax was born and Colt stayed the night with Dave's parents because we were in the hospital. I missed him so much and even though it was more work both Dave and I wanted him home the next day when we got home. Last February when Dave qualified for a trip to Hawaii through his work we debated about leaving Colt or taking him with us. In the end I just felt like there was no way I could leave him, not because he was going to have a hard time (he would have had a blast with his grandparents) but because I was going to have a hard time. Its amazing how someone who has only been in my life a little over 2 years has already made such an impact on it. I know it is important to spend time away from your kids with just your spouse but I have not been very good about that since Colt was born. It is so hard to want to do "date nights" when I already work all day and am away from the boys. I want to spend every free moment with them and in wanting that I at times neglect my husband...something I am really making an effort not to do! I love my life, I love the place we live, the man I am married to and the 2 little boys that I call my own. God has blessed my family with so much and I know I have alot to be thankful for.