Friday, February 1, 2008

Sick little boy makes mama's heart ache

This has been a hard month for me, hopefully February brings better things. It started a little before Christmas when Colt got a cold, I figured it was just a routine little cold as the other 4 little boys at his daycare also have had colds. However, when his cold was not better by last week and he was getting kind of grumpy we finally took him to the doctor and she gave him some antibiotics to clear up his infection. He had an upper respiratory infection but the ped. was not real concerned. The antibiotics worked very fast and he literally was back to himself by the next day. Then yesterday morning after I nursed him he threw everything back up all over the place, himself, me, our bed. I didn't think much of it, got us all cleaned up and out the door for work. Then in the afternoon about 3 my babysitter calls and says that he has a fever. I pick him up and his eyes are glassy, nose is running, he has been crying, he is very warm and he just cuddles right into my arms and lays his head on my shoulder. It felt so good to hold him like that but at the same time I feel so guilty that I was not the one there for him when he did not feel good. I took his temperature when we got home it was at 99.6 degrees so a little higher than normal. He was pretty quiet all night but slept well last night. My mom came over this morning and stayed the day with him so I could still go to work. I am just about out of sick days because I used most of them for my maternity leave. He seems much happier tonight, I am hoping that he is maybe cutting a tooth??? I read that the symptoms he has are often the same symptons babies get when they cut teeth. I guess we will see in the next couple of days. I just hope we turn a corner here soon and he gets all these sick bugs out of him. As a working mom I often struggle with trying to be a good mom, wife and still do a decent job teaching everyday. Honestly, I do not feel like I am doing any of them very well right now, its frusterating to feel exhausted all the time and never really feel like you can give any of them 100% of your time and effort. I also start coaching track at the end of this month which is just going to add to all of these feelings. Its going to be pretty crazy as I do not get done with track until 6:30 and Colt usually goes to bed at 7! Its going to be a big adjustment especially because its not something that my heart is into doing right now. I need to really keep a positive attitude and focus on the wonderful things that God has blessed me with and be thankful for that!


Randi said...

Oh Care, I'm so sorry that Colt has not been feeling well. It's no fun to be sick at any age! I'm sure it is very stressful to juggle everything that you are doing, but I think you are a wonderful mom and Colt knows how much you love him. Keep your head up! Love you lots!

Conlin Family said...

I'm sorry Colt is sick and that you are feeling the way you are about everything! I'm sure it's stressful with everything you have going on in your life. You are a strong person and great mom and I hope Colt gets feeling better..teething can be a rough thing!
Take care and hope you have a great week. =)

All of us said...

Care...I completely understand how you feel 100%. I could give you all the allocades in the world, but in my stuggle with motherhood, marraige and professionalism these are the mantras I have come to understand and embrace:
1) It is okay to feel this way, I am allowed to.
2) My child knows that no one will love her like Mommy She feels that. That is why when I have been gone for work and return my mere presence comforts her
3) I am allowed to make some mistakes.
4) It's okay if I don't dust the house
5) I may not shower or brush my teeth before I fall alseep - the dentist will just have to deal with it!
6) I am not the only mother/wife feeling this way
and Finally...Lucky # 7

Thank you for sharing your feelings. I feel such a connection with you because we are enduring these life challanges together. If you are like me, you won't find peace with the confliction of your roles, but you will find an internal strength.

Rachel & Sean said...

Im so sorry that Colt has not been feeling well. I know that you are the best mom ever. And I agree with Mari that its ok to go to bed with unbrused teeth and a dirty house because the most important thing at the end of the day is loving and taking care of our little ones. Mari gave me a bit of advice a while back and that is that God will only give us what he knows we can handle. So he knows that we are stonger then we think that we are, and in the end of whatever it is you look back and are amazind that you made it through, but he knew you could do it and helped you all the way. I love you tons and cant waite to get together again soon!